Njira 3 Zokuuzirani Kuti Mumaopa Chikondi

Zamkati

• Ubale Ofunika Amawerengedwa
• Zifukwa 23 Anthu Amasiya Maubwenzi

Ngakhale ambiri aife timati tikufuna chikondi, tonsefe timakhala ndi mantha pang'ono pokhudzana ndi chibwenzi. Mtundu ndi kukula kwa manthawa kumatha kusiyanasiyana kutengera mbiri yathu: zomwe tidapanga ndi chitetezo cham'maganizo chomwe tidapanga kuti tidziteteze ku zopweteka zoyambirira. Mitundu iyi ndi zodzitetezera zimatibwezera m'mbuyo kapena kuwononga moyo wathu wachikondi. Komabe, ndikofunika kukumbukira kuti timabwera ndi mantha athu moona mtima.

Chifukwa choti zolumikizana zathu zaubwana zimakhala zitsanzo za momwe timayembekezera kuti maubale azigwira ntchito pamoyo wathu wonse, zovuta m'mayanjano oyambilirawa zitha kutipangitsa kudzimva ngati otetezeka. Titha kuganiza kuti tikufuna chikondi ndi kulumikizana, koma mozama, sitingaleke tcheru kuwopa kukhumudwitsa ndikumvanso zakale. Monga bambo anga, wama psychologist komanso wolemba wa Kuopa Ubwenzi Robert Firestone analemba kuti, "Anthu ambiri amaopa kukondana ndipo nthawi yomweyo amawopa kukhala okha." Izi zitha kubweretsa chisokonezo chachikulu, chifukwa kusamvana kwa munthu kumatha kuyambitsa kukoka kwenikweni ndikukoka machitidwe awo. Chifukwa chake, mungadziwe bwanji ngati kuopa kwanu kuyandikira chikondi?

1. Zochita Zanu Sizikugwirizana ndi Zolinga Zanu

Kwa anthu ena, nkhawa zawo zokhudzana ndi ubale zimawonekera. Amatha kuzindikira mwanzeru zawo kuti azitha kulumikizana kapena kudzipereka. Kwa ena, zitha kukhala zowonekera kwambiri. Amatha kumva ngati akuyesera kuyandikira pomwe zochita zawo zikuwatsogolera kutsutsana. Chifukwa cha chisokonezo ichi, chinthu choyamba kulingalira ndikuti zomwe tikuganiza kuti tikufuna zikugwirizana ndi machitidwe athu.

Momwe timapangira mtunda muubwenzi ndizosiyana kwa aliyense wa ife ndipo timadziwitsidwa bwino ndi mbiri yathu yolumikizana. Munthu amene ali ndi chizolowezi chopewa kukana atha kukhala osaganizira zosowa za wina, makamaka wokondedwa. Amakonda kukhala odziyimira pawokha, kudzisamalira okha koma zimawavuta kuyanjanitsa ndi wokondedwa wawo ndikumvera chisoni zosowa za ena. Amatha kupewa kuyandikira kwambiri ndikukwiya wina aliyense kutengera iwo. Mnzake (nthawi zambiri mosalephera) akuwonetsa kukhumudwa chifukwa chofuna zambiri kuchokera kwa iwo, munthu amene amapewa kupewedwayo amatha kudzikoka koposa, akumadzimva kuti wakhumudwitsidwa ndi "kusowa" kwa mnzake.

Munthu amene ali ndi kaphatikizidwe kotanganidwa atha kumverera mosiyana, ngati amafunikira chidwi cha wokondedwa wawo. Atha kukhala ndi chizolowezi chodziona kukhala osatekeseka, kuda nkhawa, kudzikayikira, kunyinyirika, kukayikira, kapena nsanje m'maubale awo. Amatha kuganiza kuti akufuna kuyandikira kwambiri ndi wokondedwa wawo, koma atha kuchita zizolowezi zokakamira komanso zowongolera, zomwe zimathandizira kukankhira wokondedwa wawo kutali.

Munthu amene ali ndi chizolowezi choopa kupewa kupezeka amatha kukhala ndi mantha onse okhudzana ndi mnzake kubwera kwa iwo komanso za wokondedwa wawo akuchoka kwa iwo. Zinthu zikayandikira kwambiri, amatha kubweza, koma akawona kuti wokondedwa wawo akuchokapo, amatha kukhala omangika komanso osatetezeka.

Kudziwa mbiri yathu yolumikizana kungatipatse kuzindikira kwakukulu pamachitidwe athu ndikumvetsetsa kwamakhalidwe athu. Komabe, pamene tikufufuza maubwenzi athu munthawi yeniyeni, ndikofunikira kuzindikira nthawi yomwe zochita zathu sizikugwirizana ndi malingaliro athu pazomwe tikufuna. Kodi timati tikufuna kupita ndi wokondedwa wathu, kenako kumakonza nthawi yathu yonse m'malo mokhalira pano?

Kodi timadandaula kuti sitikhala tokha nthawi, kenako nkutha kumaliza foni yathu nthawi yonse yomwe tili limodzi? Kodi timati tikufuna kukumana ndi munthu wina koma timakhala ndi zifukwa zosafunikira kukhala pachibwenzi ndi aliyense amene takumana naye? Kodi tikukhulupirira kuti tikufuna kukhala pachiwopsezo koma timapezeka tikupanga zinthu zochepa kwa anzathu? Kodi timati timakonda munthuyo koma osatenga nthawi yofunsa za iwo eni? Zochita zotsutsazi zitha kukhala zizindikilo zoti tikuopa kukhala osatetezeka ndikuyandikira kwambiri.

2. Mukukhala Otsutsa Mnzanu kapena Othandizana Nawo

Chimodzi mwazinthu zomwe amadandaula kwambiri pakati pa maanja atakhala limodzi kwakanthawi ndikuti amataika kapena amasiya kukondana kapena kukondana. Zambiri izi zikukhudzana ndi chitetezo chathu. Kuyandikira kwambiri kumawopseza kwambiri. Chifukwa chake, zinthu zikafika poipa kwambiri, timayamba kukakamiza mtunda polowerera malingaliro olakwika ndi malingaliro a mnzathu.

Ubale Ofunika Amawerengedwa

Zifukwa 23 Anthu Amasiya Maubwenzi