Kodi Muyenera Kudzikonda Nokha Asanabadwe Wina?

Pali chikhulupiriro chofala chakuti, kuti mukonde ena moyenera, muyenera kudzikonda nokha. Kuti mukhale ndiubwenzi wosangalala komanso wathanzi ndi ena, makamaka m'mabwenzi apamtima, malingaliro amapita, anthu ayenera kuyamba kukhulupirira izi iwo ndi anthu okondedwa amtengo wapatali. Zowonadi, masukulu athunthu am'malingaliro azachipatala akhala akuganizira kwambiri za lingaliro lomweli, monga chithandizo chamankhwala chokhazikitsidwa ndi munthu komanso chithandizo chamalingaliro.

Kodi zikutanthauza chiyani kuti muzidzikonda nokha m'njira yopindulitsa osati inu nokha komanso maubwenzi anu? Ofufuza kalekale akhala akuganizira kwambiri za kudzidalira monga njira yoyamba yomwe anthu amadzisangalalira. Monga tafotokozera m'mabuku apitawa pano, okwera poyerekeza ndi kudzidalira kochepa nthawi zambiri kumaneneratu za anthu omwe akufuna kuyandikira komanso kulumikizana ndi zibwenzi zawo, makamaka akakumana ndi zoopsa (Murray, Holmes, & Collins, 2006).

Koma kudzidalira kumatha kukhala dalitso losakanikirana pankhani yamaubwenzi. Makamaka, mkulu kudzidalira, ngakhale kumakhudzana ndi machitidwe ena abwenzi, kumangogwirizana ndi thanzi laubwenzi wonse (Campbell & Baumeister, 2004). Anthu atha kukhala okhumudwa kwambiri kwa omwe ali pachibwenzi akawona kuti abwenziwo awopseza kudzidalira kwawo mwanjira ina (mwachitsanzo, kuwanyoza).

Chifukwa chake anthu ena atha kudzimva kuti ndiotani satero kubwera limodzi ndi kuopsa kodzidalira? Posachedwa, ofufuza ayamba kufufuza mtundu wina wa kudzikonda, wotchedwa kudzimvera chisoni , monga gwero lina la kudzimva nokha komwe kungathe phindu maubale achikondi komanso osakondana chimodzimodzi. Kudzimvera chisoni kumaphatikizapo kudziona wekha, kuphatikizapo zolakwa zako, ndi kukoma mtima ndi kuvomereza, osakhala wopitilira muyeso kapena kudziwika ndi malingaliro olakwika. Zimaphatikizaponso kuvomereza kulumikizana kwanu ndi ena ambiri padziko lapansi omwe mwina mwakhala muli komweko nthawi ina m'miyoyo yawo (Neff, 2003). Kudzimvera chisoni nthawi zambiri kumakhala kogwirizana ndi magwiridwe antchito amunthu. Zimalumikizidwa ndi malingaliro abwinobwino; anthu omwe amadzimvera chisoni amalemba chisangalalo, chiyembekezo, kukhutira ndi moyo, ndi zina zabwino pamalingaliro poyerekeza ndi omwe amadziweruza mwankhanza (mwachitsanzo, Neff, 2003).

Ntchito zaposachedwa zikuwonetsa kuti kudzimvera chisoni kumathandizanso pazotsatira zaubwenzi. Chikhalidwe cha kudzimvera chisoni monga kapangidwe kamene kamatsimikizira kulumikizana kwa anthu ndi anthu ena kuyenera kutanthauza kuti kumakhala ndi zotsatira zabwino muubwenzi wapamtima. Kutengera izi, Neff and Beretvas (2013) adawunika ngati kudzimvera chisoni kumalumikizana ndi mayendedwe abwino azibwenzi, monga kukhala osamala komanso othandizira anzawo. Adalemba mabanja pafupifupi 100 paphunziro lawo ndikuwunika momwe malipoti a kudzimvera chisoni adaneneratu momwe anzawo amawonera zamakhalidwe awo muubwenzi. Adapeza kuti anthu ambiri omwe amadzimvera chisoni amawonetsa ubale wabwino-monga kukhala osamala komanso othandizira, komanso osalankhula mwamwano kapena kuwongolera - kuposa omwe samadzimvera chisoni. Kupitilira apo, anthu ambiri omwe amadzimvera chisoni ndi anzawo adanenanso zakwezeka kwa ubale wabwino.

Phindu ili likuwoneka kuti likupitilira kuubwenzi wopitilira ubale wachikondi: Pafupifupi ophunzira 500 aku koleji adalemba za nthawi yomwe zosowa zawo zidatsutsana ndi za munthu amene amawasamalira - amayi awo, abambo awo, bwenzi lawo lapamtima, kapena wokondana naye. Ophunzirawo adanenanso momwe adathetsa kusamvanaku, momwe akumvera ndi chisankhochi, komanso momwe akumvera poyang'ana ubale wabwino. Pakati pa maubwenzi onse omwe adafufuzidwa, kudzimvera chisoni kwakukulu kumalumikizidwa ndi mwayi waukulu wololera kuthetsa mikangano; kumverera kwakukulu kotsimikizika komanso kusakhazikika kwamalingaliro pankhani yothetsa kusamvana; ndikukhala ndi thanzi labwino (Yarnell & Neff, 2013).

Chifukwa chake zikuwoneka kuti mumadzikonda nokha ndi njira yofunikira yokulitsira kuthekera kwanu kukonda ena - koma kudzikonda komwe kumawoneka kofunika sikungodzidalira, kapena kusangalala wekha ; ndikumatha kwanu kukhala achifundo kulunjika wekha zomwe zili zofunika, zolakwika ndi zonse.

Campbell, W. K., & Baumeister, R. F. (2004). Kodi kudzikonda ndikofunikira pokonda wina? Kuwunika kuti ndinu ndani komanso kukhala paubwenzi wapamtima. Mu M. B. Brewer & M. Hewstone (Eds.), Kudzikonda komanso kudziwika pagulu (pp. 78-98). Malden, MA: Kusindikiza kwa Blackwell.

Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Collins, N. L. (2006). Kukhazikitsa chitsimikizo: njira zowongolera zoopsa muubwenzi. Nkhani zama psychological, 132 (5), 641.

Neff K. (2003). Kudzimvera chisoni: Maganizo ena amalingaliro amomwe mungadzipezere nokha. Kudzikonda ndi Kudziwika, 2, 85-101.

Neff, KD. & Beretvas, N. (2013) Udindo Wodzidzimvera mu Maubwenzi Achikondi, Kudzikonda komanso Kudziwika, 12: 1, 78-98.

Pezani nkhaniyi pa intaneti Yarnell, L. M., & Neff, K. D. (2013). Kudzimvera chisoni, kusamvana pakati pa anthu, komanso moyo wabwino. Kudziwika ndi Kudziwika, 12 (2), 146-159.