Momwe maanja Amathandizirana Ndi Kusiyanasiyana Pachiwerewere

Ponena za kugonana muubwenzi, palibe chomwe chingaoneke ngati "chabwinobwino," ndipo kuyang'ana kwambiri kumangosokoneza kusiyanasiyana kwakukulu kwakugonana kwaumunthu. Chifukwa chake, mwachitsanzo, ngati mukudabwa kuti maanja “ayenera” kugonana kangati, mukuphonya mfundo. Pomwe anthu ena amatha kupeza kamodzi kapena kawiri pamwezi kuposa zokwanira kuti azigwirizana ndi okondedwa wawo, ena amafunikira tsiku lililonse kapena pafupipafupi. Mwanjira ina, anthu amasiyana mosiyanasiyana pamalingaliro awo okhudzana ndi kugonana.

Kuphatikiza apo, ngakhale payekhapayekha, anthu amatha kusiyanitsa chilakolako chogonana. Masiku ena mumamva kusowa, masiku ena osachuluka. Ndiyeno pali nthawi zina pamene palibe chomwe chingakupangitseni kukhala osangalala. Kusiyana kumeneku — pakati pa anthu komanso mwa anthu — ndichinthu chokhacho chomwe “chimakhala chachilendo” pa chilakolako chogonana.

Chifukwa cha kusiyana kumeneku, ndizosapeweka kuti maanja azithana ndi vuto lakugonana. M'malo mwake, ichi ndi chimodzi mwazifukwa zodziwika bwino zomwe maanja amapezera uphungu. Koma mothandizidwa kapena popanda thandizo, maanja amapeza njira zothetsera kusiyana kwa chilakolako chogonana, ngakhale zina mwa izi zingakhale zokhutiritsa kuposa zina.

Pofuna kuwunikira bwino nkhaniyi, katswiri wazamisala wa University of Southampton (England) a Laura Vowels ndi mnzake Kristen Mark adafunsa achikulire 229 omwe ali maubwenzi odzipereka kuti afotokoze njira zomwe amagwiritsa ntchito pothana ndi chilakolako chogonana ndi wokondedwa wawo. Ofufuzawo adalemba zotsatira za kafukufukuyu mu nkhani yaposachedwa ya Zosungidwa Zokhudza Kugonana .

Choyamba, ophunzirawo adayankha pazofufuza zomwe cholinga chawo chinali kuyesa kukhutira ndi kugonana, kukhutira ndiubwenzi, komanso chilakolako chogonana. Ofufuzawa sanapeze kusiyana pakati pa amuna ndi akazi pankhani yokhudzana ndi kugonana komanso kukondana. Komabe, amuna anali othekera kwambiri kuposa akazi kuti anene zakulakalaka zakugonana kuposa anzawo, mogwirizana ndi kafukufuku wakale.

Kenako, ophunzirawo adafunsidwa kuti afotokoze njira zomwe adagwiritsa ntchito pokambirana zosemphana ndi kugonana ndi wokondedwa wawo. Adawunikiranso momwe amasangalalira ndi njira iliyonse yomwe agwiritsa ntchito. Ili linali funso lotseguka chifukwa ofufuzawo amafuna kuti atole njira zingapo momwe angathere.

Pambuyo pake, ofufuzawo adasanthula zomwe adalemba, momwe adakwanitsira kuyika njira zonse zomwe zatchulidwazo mitu isanu, yomwe adawawerengera kutengera mulingo wokhudzana ndi chiwerewere. (Ndikofunikira kudziwa apa kuti cholinga cha kafukufukuyu "kugonana" kumatanthauzidwa ngati kugonana.) Izi ndi zomwe ochita kafukufuku adapeza:

• Kutaya mtima. Wokondana naye m'maganizo mwake amakana zoyeserera kapena ngakhale kuwatsutsa, pomwe mnzake amene ali ndi chilakolako chofuna kugonana atha kusiya kapena kulowetsa malingaliro awo pazinthu zosagonana monga zolimbitsa thupi kapena zosangalatsa. Pomwe 11% ya omwe anafunsidwa akuti amatenga nawo gawo anzawo, 9% yokha mwa omwewa ndi njira yomwe idabweretsa zotsatira zokhutiritsa. Mwa njira zonse zothetsera kusiyana pakati pa chilakolako chogonana, kudzimana ndikothandiza kwambiri. Ikhozanso kuwononga chibwenzicho mtsogolo.
• Kulankhulana. Awiriwa akukambirana pazifukwa zomwe zimasokoneza chikhumbo chawo chogonana ndikuyesera njira yothetsera kusamvana, monga kukonzekera kugonana nthawi ina. 11% yokha mwa omwe amafunsidwa adanena kuti adagwiritsa ntchito njirayi, koma mwa awa, 57 peresenti adati adapeza zothandiza. Mabanja amakondana kwambiri pamene angathe kulankhulana momasuka ndi moona mtima za momwe akumvera ndi zokhumba zawo, ndipo atha kuthetsa kusamvana kwawo pakufuna kugonana. Komabe, kuyesera kulumikizana kumatha kubweretsanso kukhumudwitsidwa pamene abwenzi ayamba kudzitchinjiriza kapena samakhala omasuka kukambirana nkhani zogonana.
• Kuchita nawo zinthu popanda mnzanu. Mutuwu umaphatikizapo zochitika monga kuseweretsa maliseche, kuonera zolaula, ndikuwerenga mabuku achikondi kapena zolaula. Pafupifupi kotala la omwe anafunsidwa (27%) adachita zachiwerewere motere, ndipo pafupifupi theka la awa (46%) adapeza njira yothandiza. M'malo mwake, oposa theka la omwe adafunsidwa adatchula za kuseweretsa maliseche ngati imodzi mwa njira zawo, ngakhale sizogwiritsidwa ntchito kwambiri. Monga malire oti pakhale kusiyana kwakanthawi pakulakalaka zakugonana, kudzilimbitsa ndi yankho labwino. Komabe, mkwiyo ungayambike pamene wina awona kuti iyi ndi njira yokhayo yomwe angakwaniritsire zosowa zawo zakugonana.
• Muzichita limodzi. Izi zikuphatikiza zochitika monga kukumbatirana, kusisita, ndi kusamba limodzi zomwe zitha kapena sizingayambitse kugonana. Kapenanso, wokonda zilakolako zochepa atha kuchita zachiwerewere, monga kuseweretsa maliseche kapena kugonana mkamwa. Oposa theka la omwe anafunsidwa (38%) akuti akugwiritsa ntchito njirayi, ndipo oposa theka la awa (54%) adapeza kuti zimabweretsa zotsatira zabwino. Ngakhale zinthu zosagonana, monga kuphika chakudya limodzi kapena kugwirana manja mukuyenda paki, zitha kukhala zokumana nazo zofunika kwambiri kwa maanja, ndipo izi zitha kuthandiza mnzake wofunitsitsa kukhalanso ndi chidwi ndi mnzake.
• Kugonana mulimonsemo. Kwa maanja ena, wokondedwayo amakhala ndi "quickie" m'malo mochita "zogonana kwathunthu." Ena amavomereza zogonana mwachizolowezi ngakhale samakhala okangalika, nthawi zambiri amadzipeza atadzuka. Omwe adayankha kuti agwiritse ntchito njirayi nthawi zambiri amawonetsa kukhulupirira kwawo kufunikira kwakugonana pachibwenzi komanso kufunitsitsa kwawo kukwaniritsa zosowa za okondedwa wawo. Pomwe 14% yokha ya omwe adayankha adati adagwiritsa ntchito njirayi, oposa theka lawo (58%) adati ali okondwa ndi zotsatirazi.

Kafukufukuyu akuwonetsa kuti maanja amagwiritsa ntchito njira zosiyanasiyana kuthana ndi zovuta zakugonana komanso kuti aliyense atha kuthana ndi vutoli.

Kupatula kwake ndikudzilekanitsa, zomwe zikuwonongeratu ubalewo, makamaka zikafika ponseponse. Ngati mukukumana kuti mukukana zogonana ndi mnzanu, muyenera kufotokoza zifukwa zomwe mulibe chidwi ndikupatseni njira zina zomwe sizingagwirizane zogonana. Muyeneranso kukhala omasuka kuthekera koti chilakolako chogonana chibwerere mukangokwaniritsa zosowa zanu zina.

Momwemonso, ngati mukuwona kuti zomwe mukufuna kuchita zogonana zikulepheretsani, muyenera kutsegula njira yolumikizirana ndi wokondedwa wanu, osati kuzimitsa. Kuphatikiza apo, ndikofunikira kudziwa kuti kumvera ndikofunika kwambiri kuposa kuyankhula ngati mukufuna kumvetsetsa komwe mnzanuyo akuchokera. Mukakumana ndi zosowa zawo zina, mutha kuwapeza nawonso akukondweretsani kwa inu zogonana.

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