Momwe Mungaganizire Mwadongosolo Zokhudza Ubwenzi Wanu

Kuganiza mwadongosolo kumatha kuwulula zochuluka pazomwe zikuchitika komanso zoyenera kuchita pa izi, koma monga kuganiza mwamakhalidwe, ndizosiyana kwambiri ndikungoganiza za zomwe zimachitika komanso machitidwe komanso zovuta kwambiri kuziphunzira kuposa, kunena, wamaganizidwe amisala kapena malingaliro . Zinthu zazikuluzikulu pakulingalira kwadongosolo zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kuphunzira ndizosafunikira umunthu, kutsimikiza mtima pazolinga, komanso malingaliro a anthu olowetsedwa maubale m'malo mochita ngati odziyimira pawokha.

Nthanthi ya chisinthiko imanena kuti kusiyanasiyana kwamasankhidwe ndi zotsatira zake, komwe zotsatira zake zimaphatikizira kupulumuka kwa thupi, kubereka bwino, komanso kupulumuka kwa mbeu. Khalidwe limanena kuti kusiyanasiyana kwamakhalidwe kumasankhidwa ndi zotsatira zomwe zimaphatikizapo mphotho zachilengedwe komanso zophunzirira kapena kupezeka kwawo. Chiphunzitso cha machitidwe akuti machitidwe amasankhidwa ndi zomwe zimapangitsa pamawonekedwe oyenera, kuphatikiza mphotho komanso kuphatikiza magwiridwe antchito. Chifukwa chake, msungwana amapatula nthawi yofikira panyumba poti ndi yosangalatsa koma makamaka, chifukwa zimapangitsa makolo ake kuchita mogwirizana.

Kuganiza mwadongosolo kumatsutsana ndi malingaliro abwinobwino akuti timachita monga timachitira chifukwa cha zolinga zathu, chiphunzitso chomwe timaphunzitsidwa ngati ana. Psychology yowerengera anthuyi imaphatikizidwanso mchilankhulo chathu, momwe maphunziro amayendetsa zotsatira ndi zenizeni. Thermostat "sazindikira" kuti kukuzizira ndipo "silingasankhe" kuyatsa ng'anjo momwemonso, mwadongosolo, mwamunayo "amazindikira" kuti akumupeputsa ndipo "asankha" kukopana ndi mkazi wina.

Kuwona mwachidule malingaliro amachitidwe ndikuti anthu amafotokozera momwe zinthu zilili komanso maubale omwe ali momwemo mogwirizana ndi matanthauzidwe osiyanasiyana pakupangitsa dongosolo kuyenda bwino, pomwe "bwino" limafotokozedwanso molingana ndi tanthauzo la momwe zinthu ziliri. Mwachitsanzo, msasa wa buti umayenda bwino ngati olembetsawo atopa komanso kuopsezedwa ndikumangirirana mwamgwirizano, ndipo ukwati womwe umatchedwa msasa wa boti umakhudzana ndi wina yemwe akuwombera komanso wina amene akuwalemba. Ukwati womwe umatchedwa kubwerera kwawo kwauzimu kuyenda bwino ngati awiriwo achepetsa kucheza ndi ena ndipo samatsutsana.

Ndizothandiza kukhazikitsa mawu amitundu yamaukwati kupatula anthu omwe akukhudzidwa. "Nkhani yopambana yachikondi," "duel mpaka imfa," ndi "sukulu yampingo" onse maukwati omwe ndawona. Zitha kuthandizanso kugwiritsa ntchito maukwati ena kufotokoza zomwe zikuchitika. "Timakopeka ndi Petruchio ndi Kate, koma timapitabe ku Othello ndi Desdemona." "Kodi mukufuna kukhala Monica ndi Tom Selleck kapena Monica ndi Chandler?"

Koposa zonse, kuganiza mwadongosolo kumachotsa umunthu pa equation. Umunthu umabweretsa malingaliro monga, "Wokondedwa wanga ndiwamisala, ndipo ndine waukhondo; mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga azikhala waukhondo. ” Kuganiza mwadongosolo kumabweretsa malingaliro monga, "Wokondedwa wanga akufuna ubale, ndikufuna chipinda chodyera. Hmmm. ” M'malo moganiza kuti wokondedwa wanu samakulemekezani, mwadongosolo wina angaganize kuti mnzakeyo akuyesera kutanthauzira tanthauzo limodzi laubwenzi (kapitao ndi oyendetsa? Magalimoto ochuluka?) Pomwe mukuyesera kupititsa patsogolo zina (zoweta? Maudindo osadziwika?) .

Crux ya njira yanga yothandizirana ndi mabanja ndiyofunikira pano. Mosasamala kanthu za zomwe banjali likuvutika nalo, ndipo mosasamala kanthu ka malingaliro omwe ndimasankha, chinthu chimodzi chomwe ndimachita nthawi zonse ndikuwunika momwe amathandizirana makamaka zomwe anena wina ndi mnzake. Ngati m'modzi wa iwo anena china chake chomwe chimandidetsa nkhawa, ndimalemba chikwangwani chotchedwa "time-time". Ndimanena zina ngati, "Kodi ndi momwe mkazi amalankhulira ndi (kapena za) wokwatirana naye (kapena mkazi kwa mkazi kapena chilichonse)?" Akanena kuti ayi, ndimupempha kuti ayesenso, nthawi ino kuyankhula monga momwe amachitira kwa (kapena za) wokwatirana naye.

Akanena kuti inde, nditha kutulutsa zotsatirapo zosayembekezereka za mtundu waukwati womwe akuyambitsa. (Mwachitsanzo, banja likamachitika ngati sukulu ya mkaka, nditha kunena kuti palibe zogonana pakati pa aphunzitsi a ku kindergarten ndi kindergartners.) Ngati sakugwirizana zakuti mawuwo anali ogwirizana ndi maubale, ndiye timakambirana za izo .

Maanja atha kupindula ndi chikwangwani chotenga nthawi. Samalani kuti musagwiritse ntchito mnzanu akanena zomwe simukugwirizana nazo; gwiritsani ntchito pokhapokha ngati simukugwirizana ndi momwe ananenera. Kenako kambiranani za momwe malankhulidwe awo amalimbikitsira komanso ubale womwe awiriwa mukufuna kukhala nawo.

Ngati palibe china, malo ochezeka, othandizana nawo nthawi adzakhala malo abwino kulumikizanso. Zachidziwikire, chikwangwani chotsalira chimayenera kugwiritsidwa ntchito koyambirira kosayenera. Mukanyalanyaza nthawi yoyamba yomwe anzanu amakunenani kuti ndinu mwana wa mkaka, mukuyenera kuti mwayankha mwachibwana, kenako mukamapanga chikwangwani chotsalira, mumakhala mukumenya nkhondo kwathunthu. Komabe, zinthu zitakhazikika, mutha kuyesa kupeza limodzi pamene awiriwa adachoka pazitsulo zaukwati ndikupita kukalipira, ndipo mutha kuwunikiranso zabwino zoyitanitsa nthawi zinthu zikayamba.

Kuphatikiza pakupatula nthawi ndikukambirana (zomwe zimatchedwa "kuyankhulana"), mungathenso kutenga njira zolimbikitsira mtundu waukwati womwe mukufuna kukhala m'malo mochita ukwati mosafunikira khalani. Otsatirawa nthawi zambiri amatenga mawonekedwe azizunzo zoyipa. Mwachitsanzo, muukwati wapasukulu yapabanja, mkazi amakhala wamamuna kapena wokalipira, ndipo mwamunayo amayerekezera kuti ndiwotchi koma akupitilizabe kuphulika kwachinyamata. Kuphulika kwaunyamata wake kumamupangitsa kuti azimva ngati akumukalipira, komanso mosiyana, ndipo onse amachitirana mnzake m'malo molimbikitsa ukwati womwe angafune.

Ndidayesera kufotokoza lingaliro lotsiriza mu sonnet yomwe idasindikizidwa mu Voices.

"Maganizo Aukwati"

Ndikadakhala kuti ndidamkwatira ndiye kuti ndikadakhala iye.

Kodi mungafotokozere bwanji zina zomwe sankafuna?

Mkwiyo wake, machitidwe ake azamunthu mwakanthawi

Titha kuyendetsa kuyendetsa aliyense mwakachetechete.

Kusayembekezereka kwake kumamuukira

Iye ngati mphepo yamkuntho ya Caribbean.

Zolemba zake, makoma, ndi matumba amchenga sizolakwika.

Ndani sangafune kudziteteza ku mvula yake?

Pamene abisala kwambiri amayenera kumuukira

Kuti adutse pamiyala yake.

Chifukwa chake, akamenya nkhondo samenyananso,

Ndipo potero ukali wake wosungulumwa sukutha.

Amakwiya poyankha koma amachedwa.

Ndikadakhala kuti ndidamkwatira ndiye kuti ndikadakhala wake.