Ulendo Wachisoni

Ndemanga ya Chisoni Ndi Ulendo: Kupeza Njira Yanu Pogwiritsa Ntchito Kutayika . Wolemba Dr. Kenneth J. Doka. Mabuku a Atria. Madola 304.

Tonsefe, mosakayikira, tidzakhala ndi nthawi yolira. Timamva chisoni pamene wokondedwa wamwalira, pamene tasudzulana, kulemala, kuchotsedwa ntchito, kutha kwa bwenzi lokondana naye, kutuluka padera. Chisoni chimakhala chopweteka, mwakuthupi komanso mwamalingaliro. Koma zingakhalenso zopindulitsa. Pamene tikukhala ndi kutayika, Kenneth Doka akutikumbutsa, titha kukula ndikumva chisoni.

Mu Chisoni Ndi Ulendo , Dr. Doka, pulofesa wa Gerontology ku Graduate School of the College of New Rochelle, m'busa woikidwa wa Luther, komanso mkonzi wa Omega: Zolemba Zokhudza Imfa ndi Kufa , imapereka malingaliro achifundo pofedwa ngatiulendo wamoyo wonse. Doka akuyang'ana "ntchito zisanu zachisoni": kuvomereza kutayika; kuthana ndi ululu; kuyang'anira kusintha; kusunga maubwenzi; ndikumanganso chikhulupiriro ndi / kapena nzeru. Chifukwa munthu aliyense ndi wapadera, Doka akugogomezera kuti, "palibe njira imodzi yabwino yakumvera chisoni. Komanso chisoni sichikhala ndi nthawi yake. ”

Upangiri wa Doka umazikidwa makamaka pantchito yake ngati mlangizi wofedwa. Zambiri mwa izo - "pewani kuchitira nkhanza anthu okuzungulirani, kuthamangitsa ena, kuchepetsa thandizo" - ndizofanana. Ndipo, nthawi zina, nkhani ya Doka yomwe imabwerezedwa mobwerezabwereza (palibe njira yayikulu yolira chisoni) ikulimbana ndi kapangidwe kabuku kake. "Simungafanizire kutayika kwanu ndi kutayika kwa ena, kapena zomwe mumachita kapena mayankho anu kwa ena," akulemba. Atafufuza zomwe makasitomala ake ambiri adakumana nazo, a Doka akuwonetsa kuti "kumvetsetsa njira zina zothanirana ndikuthandizani kuti mupirire kutaya ndikukula."

Ndipo, mwina mosapeweka, mu "momwe mungalembere," kutsimikiza kwa Doka kuti asaweruze (sangadzipereke yekha kudzipangira upangiri pakufunafuna zamatsenga) kumatha. Pofotokoza momwe akumvera, akutero (potchula mwambi wachi China), "kumabweretsa zopweteka kwakanthawi ndikumapuma kwakanthawi; Kupondereza kumabweretsa mpumulo kwakanthawi komanso kupweteka kwakanthawi. ”

Zosangalatsa, malingaliro angapo mu Chisoni Ndi Ulendo ndi othandiza kwambiri. Doka amalangiza anthu omwe akuganiza zosankha kholo kapena agogo omwe ali ndi vuto lakumudziwa kapena agogo awo m'nyumba yosamalira okalamba kuti athane ndi "chisoni chawo" powafotokozera mwatsatanetsatane momwe zingakhalire zovuta kupitiriza chisamaliro chapanyumba. Pogwiritsa ntchito maloto enieni, okhala ndi zinthu zophiphiritsa kutayika (bedi lopanda kanthu, gombe lokondedwa), Doka akuwonetsa, olira amatha kulumikizana ndi malingaliro ndikuzindikira zovuta zomwe sizinasinthidwe. Akuti anthu omwe banja lawo latayika kapena mwana amalingalira zopempha thandizo asanaganize ngati angataye "zinthu zachisoni" (zovala, zoseweretsa, mabokosi). Doka amalangiza oferedwa kukonzekera tchuthi, zomwe zitha kukhala zopanikiza, m'malo mongopereka zisankho kwa ena omwe ali ndi zolinga zabwino. Ndipo olemba maliro, atha kulemba, atha kupanga "miyambo ina," kuyambira pamwambo wokumbukira anthu omwe akumva chisoni omwe mtunda kapena udindo umalepheretsa kupita kumaliro, mpaka pamwambo wapachaka wopezera ndalama zothandizirana ndi dzina la womwalirayo.

Chofunika kwambiri, Doka, yemwe adayambitsa lingaliro la "chisoni chopanda ufulu" mu 1989, akutikumbutsa kuti zotayika zina - imfa ya mwamuna wakale kapena wokonda amuna kapena akazi okhaokha; m'bale womangidwa; kusabereka kosalekeza; kutaya chikhulupiriro - sichimadziwika kapena kuthandizidwa ndi ena. Anthu omwe ali ndi chisoni chosasunthika, iye akugogomezera, nthawi zambiri amavutika mwakachetechete, ndipo amakhala ndi zochitika zochepa kapena zosamvetsetseka momwe angamvetsetse kapena kuthana ndi zomwe akuchita.

Mwachisoni, Doka akubwereza kuti, "sikuti imangonena zaimfa koma za imfa." Akufunsa owerenga ake kuti apeze chilimbikitso, monga adachitiranso, pozindikira mnzake yemwe adamwalira naye, Richard Kalish: "Chilichonse chomwe mungakhale nacho mutha kutaya; Chilichonse chomwe mungaphatikize nacho, mutha kupatulidwa; chilichonse chimene umakonda chingachotsedwe kwa iwe. Koma ngati mulibe chilichonse choti mutaye, mulibe chilichonse. ”

Pomwepo, a Dr. Doka akuwonjezera kuti, olira adzayang'ana kumbuyo ndikukondwerera ulendo wawo wamoyo, womwe udasinthiratu momwe udachitikira chifukwa adayankha munjira zabwino kutaya komwe adakumana nako.