Kumeneko Koma Kwa Chisomo cha Amedi

Ndinkadikirira pamzere ku pharmacy kuti ndikatenge mankhwala. Sindinali wokondwa. Imeneyi inali imodzi mwa mankhwala anga okwera mtengo kwambiri, ndipo sindinayembekezere kupanga ndalama zoposa madola zana zomwe zimafunikira mwachangu kwina kulikonse. Ndikudikirira, ndimadzifunsa kuti: Chifukwa chiyani ndimamwa mankhwalawa? Ndi antipsychotic yovuta, ndipo sindinakhalepo wamisala. Mwinanso ndi komwe atypic amabwera. Ndani akudziwa? Zachidziwikire osati ine, ndipo mwina ngakhale dokotala wanga, pa CV yake yonse yamasamba makumi awiri. Palibe amene amamvetsetsa momwe mankhwala amisala amathandizira chifukwa palibe amene amadziwa zomwe zimayambitsa matenda ochititsa munthu kusinthasintha zochitika poyamba. Ndi crapshoot, kusaka mfiti, kupukutira mwachangu nyali ya genie.

Koma ndidadikirira pamzere mulimonse, ndipo ndidatulutsa khadi yanga yangongole chifukwa ndizomwe mumachita mukamamvera mankhwala: mumatsatira.

Chitseko chakunja chidatseguka, kapena kuti chitseko chidatsegulidwa ndi mayi wazaka zapakati. Ndi mawu okweza okwanira kufika paliponse pa pharmacy, adakuwa, "Sindikupita ku king jail!" Izi zidatsatiridwa ndi matemberero angapo, omwe anali osayenerera sindingayesere kubereka pano. Ndinamuyang'ana mwachangu ndikubwerera m'mbuyo, monganso anthu ena awiri omwe anali mzere ndi ine.

Zovala zake zidasokonekera, nkhope yake idatopa kwambiri, ndipo thukuta ndi mkodzo zidamuphimba. Sanandiyang'ane kapena kuyang'ana aliyense. Anangopitiliza kutukwana ndi mawu ovuta komanso amiseche zomwe zimapweteketsa makutu anga. Ndinkafuna kunyamuka, koma iye anali kutsekereza potuluka.

“Itanani dokotala wanga wokhulupirika!” adakuwa. “Chitani zomwezo! Itanani iye! Sindimanga f * * * king jail! ”

Ndinamva chizungulire, osati chifukwa cha kununkhira kapena mantha anga, koma chifukwa mwadzidzidzi ndinalowetsedwa kwambiri mu déjà vu. Mwina mwina zaka khumi ndi zisanu zapitazo, ndipo ndimayenda m'misika yamalonda ku Malibu. Inde, "kuyenda" sikungakhale mawu oyenera. Ndinali ndikupunthwa. Mndandanda. Kufuna kuti mupite molunjika, ndikulephera. Sindinali woledzera, koma ndimamwa mankhwala atsopano otchedwa monoamine oxidase inhibitor, kapena MAOI mwachidule. Inali mankhwala omaliza omaliza kupsinjika kwa mankhwala, ndipo ndikadapanda kukhala wofunitsitsa kwambiri, sindikanawamwa.

Zotsatira zake zinali zofooketsa: Mukadya pizza kapena msuzi wa soya kapena chakudya china chilichonse chomwe chili ndi mankhwala otchedwa tyramine, mutha kudwala matenda opha ziwalo. Momwemonso ngati mudamwa ndi mankhwala ena opatsirana kapena opatsirana. Kapena mowa. Kungodumphadumpha nkhani ngati choncho. Koma chomwe chimandidetsa nkhawa ndikumangokhala chizungulire chomwe ndimakhala ndikukumana nacho. Ndidakhala bwino bola ndikakhala pansi, koma nditaimirira kapena ndikuyenda sindimadziwa ngati ndingakomoke mmanja mwa mlendo. Panalibe chilichonse chokhudza zachisoni. Nthawi zambiri, ndimagwa ndikumenya mutu wanga kapena ndimavulaza thupi langa lakuda kwambiri komanso labuluu.

Madzulo masana amenewo ndinali kumverera ngati woozy wamba - kotero kuti ndimakwera basi kupita kumsika, chisamaliro chokwera mtengo, koma sindinkafuna kuyika pagalimoto pachiwopsezo, ndipo uku kunali kowopsa mwamawonekedwe: ndinasaka ma jeans abwino kwambiri tsiku lomwe likubwera ndipo sitoloyo inali itandisungilira mpaka nthawi yotseka. (Monga momwe azimayi ambiri angatsimikizire, titha kupita kulikonse kuti tipeze chisangalalo chabwino.) Zinkawoneka ngati mtunda wosadukiza kuchokera pamalo oimikapo magalimoto mpaka ku malo ogulitsira, ndipo ndimayenera kukhala pansi kangapo kuti ndisiye bwino.

Nditadzuka kachitatu, ndidadziwa kuti ndikulakwitsa. Ndinatenga masitepe angapo osanjenjemera, ndipo kuyera kothimbirira kunandizinga. Ndinamva phokoso lalikulu ngati kuti mwadzidzidzi njuchi zandidzidzimutsa, koma ndisanawagwedeze ndi mawondo anga ndipo ndinagwa pansi. Kupweteka kwakuthwa kwakuthwa kunaluma mbama yanga - njuchi? Pambuyo pake, sindikumbukira chilichonse mpaka nditagwedezeka ndi munthu wachilendo yunifolomu yodziwika bwino: wapolisi. Osatinso wapolisi wogulitsa kumsika, ngakhalenso wapolisi wowona mtima, wowombera mfuti, wankhanza.

"Dzina lanu ndi ndani?" Adafunsa. Ndinagwedeza mutu wanga popanda chifunga chake ndikumuuza.

“Ndionereni chiphaso.” Manja anga anali kunjenjemera — apolisi amandichititsa mantha — koma ndinasanthula chikwama changa ndi kutulutsa laisensi yanga yoyendetsa galimoto.

“Koma sindinayendetse galimoto kuno,” ndinatero. “Ndinatenga takisi, chifukwa—”

"Ms. Cheney, wakhala ukumwa lero? ”

Ndinagwedeza mutu wanga mwamphamvu ayi.

“Chifukwa waoneka kuti waledzera nane.”

"Sindikuledzera, ndangozunguzika ndi zonse." Ndidayimirira ndikuyipitsa, ndidazunguliranso. Ndinagwira mkono wapolisi kuti ndithandizire.

"China chake sichili pano," adatero. “Ndikupititsani kusiteshoni.”

“Ayi, taonani, ndi mankhwala atsopanowa omwe ndagwiritsa ntchito. Ndili bwino bola ndikakhala pansi, koma— “

"Mzindawu uli ndi malamulo okhwima oletsa kuledzera pagulu," adatero.

“Koma sindili woledzera,” ndinakakamira motero. “Ndi mankhwala ovomerezeka mwangwiro. Mutha kuyimbira foni dokotala wanga ndipo adzakuwuzani. ” Ndidatulutsa khadi yanga yamankhwala pachikwama changa. Ndinkazinyamula paliponse, zilibe kanthu chifukwa ndinkamva kuti ndiumboni wanga wamisala ndipo sindimadziwa nthawi yomwe ndingafune izi.

“Ayi, kulibwino ndikutengereni nyumba,” iye anatero. "Chitetezo chanu komanso pagulu."

Izo zinachita izo. Kodi amaganiza kuti nditani, ndikupitiliza kubera? Ndidamupatsa khadi mdzanja lake ndikumva mawu anga akusisima, koma sindinathe kuzithandiza. “Sindikupita kundende!” Ndinatero. “Itanani dokotala wanga wa mulungu!”

Ndinakwiya kwambiri, ndipo ndinayamba kulira. Wapolisiyo ayenera kuti anali m'modzi mwa amuna omwe sangapirire kuona misozi ya mayi chifukwa adalipira dokotala wanga, yemwe adamuyimbiranso nthawi yomweyo ndikutsimikizira kuti ndimangokhala ndi zovuta zina chifukwa chakumwa mankhwala. Ndikuganiza kuti adamutsimikizira kuti sindinali wodzivulaza ndekha kapena anthu ena, chifukwa wapolisiyo adandisiya.

"Mukudziwa," adatero powagawana, "chifukwa chololedwa mwalamulo sizikupangitsa kukhala bwino. Mutha kuledzera ngakhale atakupatsani. ”

Mawu anzeru a chikumbumtima chachikulu, koma ndinali wofunitsitsa kuti ndimuchotsere kuvomereza kufunikira kwawo. Zomwe ndimangofuna ndikuti gehena isachoke kumeneko, yopanda ulamuliro wankhanza. Zinandipweteka kwambiri ndipo sindinapeze ngakhale jinzi yanga yabwino. Ndinangokhala pamphepete ndikudikirira cab kuti andipulumutse ku ngozi.

Zaka khumi ndi zisanu pambuyo pake, mayi wopanda pokhala mu chipatala changa atayamba kukhumudwa, mbiri yanga yakale idamveka mokweza ngati kufuula kwake. “Itanani dokotala wanga wa mulungu!” sikunali kulira komwe mumamva kuchokera kwa anthu onse mumsewu. Tidali azichemwali pachibwenzi, olekanitsidwa ndi chiyembekezo chodabwitsa cha tsogolo. Ndinapatsidwa mphatso zomwe anali atakanidwa. Matenda anga anayamba chifukwa cha mankhwala — osati nthawi zonse popanda vuto lililonse, koma pamapeto pake zinagwira ntchito. Mwina ndinali ndi chikumbumtima chomwe adalibe chomwe chimandipangitsa kuti ndizitsatira, koma ndani ati anene nkhani yake?

Winawake adayimbira apolisi chifukwa apolisi awiri adabwera kuti adzamutenge. Misozi yake sinawakhudze; iwo sanali ofewa kwambiri pamene iwo anamutulutsa iye. Wasemayo anapukusa mutu pamene amandipatsa mapiritsi anga. "Timamuwona kwambiri," adatero. “Ungaganize kuti wina angamupezere thandizo.” Ndinayang'ana botolo langa la antipsychotic, ndipo ndinayang'ana galimoto yamapolisi yomwe ikungoyenda pang'ono. Ndipo ayi, sindinathamangire kuti ndisunge tsikulo. Sindinayese kukonza tsogolo. Koma ndinatseka maso anga ndipo ndinamupempherera iye; ndiye ndinadalitsa aliyense wa mapiritsi a pinki omwe ndinali nawo m'manja. Palibe zambiri zomwe ndimamvetsetsa pankhaniyi yakudwala kwamaganizidwe. Koma ndimadziwa chifundo ndikachiwona.