Magalasi Atatu Omwe Timawona Ukwati

Posachedwapa op-ed mu Nkhani Za Mmawa wa Dallas , David Brooks adakambirana zomwe amazitcha magalasi atatu omwe chikhalidwe chofala chimayang'ana ukwati. Magalasi azamaganizidwe amayang'ana kwambiri pazokhudzana (monga umunthu, mawonekedwe, ndalama, chilakolako chogonana). Izi zimalankhula ndi zomwe ndimakonda kutchula ngati vuto lalikulu muubwenzi, kutanthauza kuti zimakhudza anthu. Ndipo monga mwazindikira kale, kuchita ndi anthu kumakhala kovuta. Maubwenzi ambiri, ngakhale amalandila zabwino zambiri, nthawi zina zimakhala zosokoneza, zolemetsa, zosasangalatsa, zosasangalatsa, komanso / kapena zosokoneza. Izi zimadzutsa funso ngati anthu aku America ali ndi mimba yolumikizana; ndiye kuti, maubale omwe abwenzi amatenga zoyipa ndi zabwino.

Njira imodzi yoyang'ana mandala oyamba awa ndichowonera. Kuphatika kumatanthauza mtundu wa chitetezo ndi chibwenzi. Muukwati, chitetezo cha abwenzi chifukwa cha maubwenzi awo akale komanso kuyembekezera kwawo zinthu zoipa zomwe zikuchitika zimapititsa patsogolo mgwirizano wawo wachikulire. Izi zikutanthauza kuti ngati inu ndi mnzanu mukukumana ndi zovuta, pali mwayi kuti mmodzi kapena nonse a inu mukuyambitsa zokumbukira zabwino komanso zoyipa zaubwenzi wakale. Ngati simukumvetsetsa izi ndikuphunzira kuvomerezana wina ndi mnzake - monga momwe mungalerere mwana kapena kusamalira chiweto - madandaulo okwiya, mantha, kusiyanasiyana, kumamatira, ndi zina zotero zimakhala zoyambitsa upangiri wabanja kapena kuyimira pakati.

Magalasi achiwiri a Brooks amayang'ana kwambiri za chikondi. Ndi ochepa okha mwa mabungwe ogwirizana mwachikondi omwe amapambana nthawi. M'malo mwake, chikhalidwe chathu chimasunga nthano zosiyanasiyana zachikondi, monga kuti pali wokonda moyo mmodzi kwa inu, ndipo muyenera kudzikonda nokha musanakonde wina. Anthu ambiri amakwatirana mwachikondi ngati kuti ndizokhazo zomwe zingawapangitse kukhala limodzi. Ndizowona kuti chilengedwe chimatipatsa libido yoyatsira ndege koyambirira kwa chibwenzi, koma sizimapereka ubale wokhalitsa komanso wachimwemwe. Chowonadi ndichakuti chikondi chokhwima chimakula ndikudyetsa tsiku ndi tsiku banja ndikudzipereka kuubwenzi, zomwe zimapereka mpweya wabwino womwe umalola kuti okwatiranawo azikhala mosangalala m'zochitika za moyo.

Ndine loya wazomwe ndimazitcha maubale otetezeka. Izi zikutanthauza kuti inu ndi mnzanu mumagwira ntchito ngati malingaliro aanthu awiri m'njira yothandizana, kuthandizana, komanso kukumbukira. Mosakayikira, ngati inu ndi mnzanu mumayika ubale wanu patsogolo ndikulingalira za thanzi la wina ndi mnzake mudzapeza zabwino zambiri kwakanthawi kochepa komanso kwakanthawi. Mwanjira iyi, muli, monga ndimakonda kunenera, muli nkhandwe limodzi, momwe mumakhala ndi misana ya wina ndi mnzake ndikuchotseratu mosasunthika chilichonse chachitetezo kapena chiwopsezo muubwenzi.

Magalasi achitatu ndi, kwa ine, mwina otsogola kwambiri. Apa, Brooks amalankhula zamakhalidwe, makamaka kufunikira kodzipereka. Okwatirana akaika ubale wawo patsogolo ndikuuwona ngati tsekwe lomwe lidzaikire dzira lagolide, titero, amakhala oteteza ngati kuti miyoyo yawo idalira pa iwo. Ndikutsimikiza kuti miyoyo yawo imadalira. Makhalidwe abwino otetezedwa ndi gulu lachitatuli - chilengedwe cha banjali - ndilofunikira osati kwa okhawo komanso kwa ana awo komanso ena onse omwe ali mozungulira. Maukwati ndi gawo laling'ono kwambiri pagulu. Okwatirana salinso munthu mmodzi payekha; M'malo mwake, akuthandizira pagulu lomwe nawonso limawapatsa zomwe angafune kuti akule bwino m'moyo, mkati ndi kunja kwa chibwenzicho.

Magalasiwa amayang'ana kwambiri gawo limodzi mwa magawo atatu omwe ndi akulu kuposa anzawo. Mwanjira ina, ubalewo ungalemekezedwe momwe anzawo amaperekera ulemu kwa Mulungu kapena kwa mwana wawo. Chidziwitsochi chitha kukhala chauzimu.

Ndimakonda kufunsa maanja ngati ali okonzeka kusandulika ngati dongosolo la anthu awiri momwe kudzikonda sikumapondereza zabwino zonse. Tsoka ilo, mwa zomwe ndakumana nazo, maanja ambiri ali kunyanja zikafika poyankha mafunso ofunikira kwambiri: “Kodi cholinga chokwatirana ndi chiyani? Kodi mumatani wina ndi mnzake zomwe simungathe kulipira wina kuti achite? Nchiyani chimakupangitsani inu nonse kukhala apadera kwambiri? Mumatumikira chiyani? Kodi mukutumikira ndani? ” Awa makamaka ndi mafunso okhudza zamakhalidwe. Ngakhale wolemba nkhani zandale David Brooks amagwiritsa ntchito mandalawa pofotokoza kuchepa kwaukwati, ndimakonda kuwona momwe chithunzi chotsimikizika cha maphunziro anzeru, ogwirizana paukwati omwe angatitsogolere kumayanjano otetezeka.

Zolemba

Brooks, D. (2016, Feb. 24). Chifukwa chomwe khalidwe laukwati wapakati likuchepa. Nkhani Za Mmawa wa Dallas . Kuchokera ku http://www.dallasnews.com/opinion/latest-columns/20160224-david-brooks-why-the-quality-of-the-average-marriage-is-in-decline.ece

Pezani nkhaniyi pa intaneti Tatkin, S. (2012). Kulumikizidwa ndi chikondi: Kumvetsetsa ubongo wa mnzanuyo kungakuthandizeni kuthetsa mikangano ndikuyambitsa chibwenzi. Oakland, CA: Watsopano Harbinger.

Pezani nkhaniyi pa intaneti Tatkin, S. (2016). Chingwe cha chibwenzi: Momwe kumvetsetsa kwamatenda aubongo ndi kaphatikizidwe kangakuthandizireni kupeza wokwatirana naye woyenera . Oakland, CA: Watsopano Harbinger.

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, ndi mlembi wa Wired for Love ndi Wired for Dating ndi Your Brain on Love, ndi coauthor wa Chikondi ndi Nkhondo muubwenzi wapamtima. Ali ndi zamankhwala ku Southern CA, amaphunzitsa ku Kaiser Permanente, ndipo ndi pulofesa wothandizira ku UCLA. Tatkin adapanga Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) ndipo pamodzi ndi mkazi wake, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, adakhazikitsa PACT Institute.