Zizindikiro 10 Zomwe Wothandizana Naye Angasochere

Zamkati

• Kusakhulupirika Kofunikira Kuwerenga
• N 'chifukwa Chiyani Kusakhulupirika Kumapweteka Kwambiri?

Osakana: Pali kuthekera kwakukulu komwe mudaganizapo zonyenga mnzanu. Ngati ndinu mkazi, zovuta zake ndi 4 mpaka 1 kuti mudakhala ndi malingaliro okhudzana ndi bwenzi lakunja kwa miyezi iwiri yapitayi. Ngati ndinu bambo, zovuta ndizokwera kwambiri (kwathunthu 49 mpaka 1) zomwe mudaganizapo posachedwa pankhani yabodza. Koma popeza ndizotheka kuti, monga Purezidenti wakale Jimmy Carter, "mwalakalaka mumtima mwanu," mwina mumakonda kupatsa mnzanu chidwi pokhudzana ndi zikhumbo zake zakusilira, sichoncho?

Mwinamwake ayi, monga momwe zimakhalira.

M'mutu wofalitsidwa posachedwa wonena za "kuwopseza konse komanso kuyesedwa kwa zochitika zakunja," mnzanga Bram Buunk wa University of Groningen akuwunikanso umboni kuti ambiri aife ndife onyenga pankhaniyi. Pamodzi ndi Pieternel Dijkstra ndi Karlijn Massar, Buunk akuwunikanso zomwe apeza zikusonyeza kuti 90% ya amuna ndi akazi aku America amakhulupirira kuti kugonana kunja kwa banja kumakhala kolakwika nthawi zonse kapena pafupifupi nthawi zonse (ngakhale ali ndi maloto). Ngakhale ku Netherlands komwe kuli ufulu, komwe uhule umaloledwa komanso kugonana ndi bizinesi yako, 78% ya anthu amawawona ngati kugonana ndi zakunja ndizolakwika.

Kuwunikanso kwina kwaposachedwa pa kafukufuku wokhudza kusakhulupirika kwa ochita kafukufuku aku Florida State University a Frank Fincham ndi a Ross May afika pamalingaliro ofananawo: Iwo awona kuti kafukufuku wa Gallup akuwonetsa kuti anthu 9 mwa 10 amakuwona kusakhulupirika ngati nkhanza, ndipo pafupifupi 7 mwa 10 amakuwona ngati wosakhululuka. Komabe, 25% ya amuna ndi 15% ya akazi, mwa kuyerekezera kwina, amabera abwenzi awo. Kafukufuku wina akuwonetsa zochitika zanthawi yayitali kwambiri, pafupifupi 50%, malinga ndi a David Buss ndi Todd Shackelford. Ndipo malinga ndi a Fincham ndi Ross, kafukufuku waposachedwa kwambiri akuwoneka kuti azimayi achichepere akugwira amuna (ngakhale zikuwoneka kuti zikuwonjezekanso posachedwa pakati pa amuna azaka zopitilira 65, zomwe a Fincham ndi Ross amadzinenera kuti kupezeka kwa mankhwala a erectile Kulephera).

Nchiyani chimaneneratu za kusakhulupirika?

Ndisanalowe nkhunda m'mabuku enieni, ndinasinkhasinkha za anthu ena omwe ndikuwadziwa omwe akhala akuchita zibwenzi kunja kwa banja (osadandaula, sangatchulidwe mayina). Ndidadzipeza ndekha mndandanda wazizindikiro zakusakhulupirika:

1. Wokondedwa wanu wayamba kuda nkhawa kwambiri ndi kulimbitsa thupi, osati m'njira yokometsera mtima wanu, koma munjira yolimbitsa minofu.
2. Wokondedwa wanu akuwononga ndalama zochulukirapo pazovala, makamaka za mawonekedwe-oyenera, kukumbatirana-komwe kumadziwika bwino mthupi. Ngati mnzanuyo ndi wamwamuna, mwina amawononga ndalama zake pa galimoto yatsopano m'malo mwake.
3. Mnzanuyo amakhala maola ochulukirapo akumacheza ndiogwira nawo ntchito kapena akudzipereka kuti apita kunja kwa tawuni.
4. Mnzanu, ngakhale akuwoneka wokulirakulira komanso wokongola, akuwonetsa chidwi chochepera mwa inu.
5. Wokondedwa wanu akuwoneka kuti amakwiya msanga kwa inu mochedwa.
6. Wokondedwa wanu akumwa kwambiri.
7. Mnzanuyo amakhala nthawi yochuluka pa foni yake yam'manja ndipo amazimitsa mwachangu mukamalowa mchipindacho.
8. Wokondedwa wanu ali ndi mbiri yoletsa kugonana.
9. Mnzanu wapambanitsa.
10. Mnzanu sagwirizana nawo pagulu.

Zomaliza ziwirizi sizongoganizira zakhungu. Ndimaphunzitsa zamaganizidwe azikhalidwe ndipo ndikudziwa kuti pali kafukufuku wolumikiza kusokonekera komanso chisokonezo kusudzulana. Chinthu chachisanu ndi chitatu chimakhala chozungulira, popeza anthu osaloledwa pogonana, ali, osagonana: Khalidwe lakale ndiye wolosera zamtsogolo zamakhalidwe.

Komano, monga munthu aliyense woganiza mwasayansi ayenera kuchita, ndimayang'ana kuti ndiwone zomwe kafukufukuyo akunena. Pali ndemanga zabwino pamabukuwa pamutuwu, ndipo ndikufotokozera mwachidule mitundu ingapo yomwe ikuwoneka kuti ili ndi chitsimikizo chokwanira.

Zotsatira zafukufuku

Zaka makumi awiri zapitazo, Buss ndi Shackelford adasanthula mabanja omwe angokwatirana kumene ndipo adafunsa kuti ndi ziti za umunthu zomwe zimaneneratu kuti anthu azifuna kubera. Adapeza kuti kukayika kusakhulupirika kunali kwakukulu mwa anthu omwe adalemba otsika pamiyeso ya chikumbumtima . Omwe adalemba mkulu mkati chisokonezo analinso pachiwopsezo. Narcissism monga momwe amayesera pano imakhudzana ndi kuyankhula za iwe wekha osamvera ena, ndikukhala owonetsa, kudzikweza, komanso kudzikonda. Omwe angakhale osakhulupirika nawonso adapeza zochuluka mkulu pamlingo wa "psychoticism," wa Eysenck, womwe sugwirizana kwenikweni ndi schizophrenia ndipo umayesa kupupuluma komanso kusokonezeka kwa malingaliro. Buss ndi Shackelford adapezanso kuti kutchuka kukhala kosakhulupirika kunali kwakukulu mwa anthu omwe anali osakhutira ndi ubale wawo, komanso omwe anali ndi mikangano ndi anzawo - nthawi zambiri chifukwa cha nsanje ya mnzawoyo (yomwe mwina sinalakwitsidwe).

Mu kuwunika kwaposachedwa, a Fincham ndi May akuti kusakhulupirika kwenikweni kumakwera kwambiri mwa anthu omwe ali ndi nkhawa, omwe amakhala ndi zibwenzi zambiri asanakwatirane, komanso omwe amakhala mosatekeseka ndi anzawo.

Kumwa kwamavuto kumayenderana ndi kusakhulupirika. Nthawi zambiri, a Jason Weeden ndi anzawo awonetsa kuti kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo - kuyambira mowa mpaka chamba - kumalumikizidwa ndi mchitidwe wogonana wopanda malire. Kungakhale chisonyezo kuti ndinu nyama yaphwando, zomwe zingakumasuleni kuti musaphonye misonkhano yayikulu.

Chochititsa chidwi, kuti chikhalidwe, maphunziro, ndi chuma sizolumikizana mokhulupirika ndi kusakhulupirika. Kukhumbira mumtima mwanu (ndikuchita izi) ndikotheka ku White House monga ku West Virginia mabowo, komanso kufala pakati pa Ph.D.s monga pakati pa omwe asiya sukulu yasekondale.

Kafukufuku angapo adanenanso za kulumikizana kwamavuto abwenzi ndi kusakhulupirika m'banja. Awa ndi malo omwe ndikofunikira kwambiri kukumbukira kuti kulumikizana kumachita ayi kukhazikitsa chifukwa ndi zotsatira. Ngati mukugonana ndi wina kumbali, kenako nkubwera kunyumba yodzaza ndi mbale, ngongole zosachedwa, ana akufuula kuti mumvetsetse, ndi wokwatirana naye, zibwenzi zanu ziziwoneka bwino - ndipo wanu Moyo wakukwatiwa umakulirakulira mosiyana. Ndipo mukamalimbana kwambiri ndi mnzanu yemwe mwalowa m'malo mwake, "kumvetsetsa" kwanu komwe kumakondana kumayamba kuwoneka bwino. M'malo mwake, kafukufuku wazaka 17 wazaka zapakati pa okwatirana adanenanso kuti kusakhulupirika m'banja ndizomwe zimayambitsa ndipo zotsatira za mikangano ya m'banja (Previti & Amato, 2004).

Zotsatira zina za kusakhulupirika

Ngakhale titha kungoseka tikamva za andale komanso atsogoleri achipembedzo akubera, ndipo tikhoza kungoyerekeza tokha, kusakhulupirika si nkhani yoseketsa. Padziko lonse lapansi, ndichomwe chimayambitsa chisudzulo, ndipo ndi chimodzi mwazomwe zimayambitsa kupha okwatirana (Betzig, 1989; Daly & Wilson, 1988). Mabanja ambiri amathetsa banja popanda chiwawa, koma kugawanikaku kumawonongera iwowo ndi ana awo (Amato, 2010). Ngakhale awiriwa atapewa kusudzulana, kugonana kunja kwa banja nthawi zambiri kumachitika popanda makondomu; tikulankhula zodzikakamiza, pambuyo pa zonse. Chifukwa chake, kusakhulupirika kumayenderana ndi kuwonjezeka kwa matenda opatsirana pogonana, kuphatikiza HIV. Fincham ndi May adazindikira kuti, nawonso ndi vuto laumoyo wa anthu.

Kusakhulupirika Kofunikira Kuwerenga

N 'chifukwa Chiyani Kusakhulupirika Kumapweteka Kwambiri?